She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Randomize
