If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
