Your face is a jimmy john
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
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