What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
