Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
