I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
