what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
