Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
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Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
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Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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