I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
