All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
