Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
