They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
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