i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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