After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
whose parrot is this?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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