can u get pink eye on your cock?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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