I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
