'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
