is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
