sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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