im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Randomize
