A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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