A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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