I need help removing her.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
