So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
