and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
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