I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Randomize
