sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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