its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
