At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Randomize
