I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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