I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize