Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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