ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
