big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
