We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
