My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
