Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize