i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize