Buhtt sex?
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
