Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
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hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
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