I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
