Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Randomize
