I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
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