and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
