oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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