it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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