Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
