I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
In America we eat man semen.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
