Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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