Well apparently he's into motor boating.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
In other news, I just burned my penis
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
