Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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