He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
