she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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