the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
