I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
