is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
