Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
