Pregnant stripper...not hot.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
