I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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