You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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