i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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