the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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