kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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