ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
