Clothes are such an inconvenience.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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