I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
