After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
