Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Randomize
