dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
